By Michelle Nollsch
My Process of Finding Forgiveness
What do I have to say about finding forgiveness? It has not been easy to forgive, but very rewarding when I did. Peace and serenity fill me, and then I can show compassion to the one who hurt me in word or deed. I view from their perspective what they may be going through. I also check in w/ myself and view my part in the situation. Did I say or do something to offend them, and they took it out on me? If not, then I can either take it personally or forgive them.
It is always good to give a personal inventory which helps keep the slate clean. How can I possibly be resentful about certain situations if I, too, have fallen short in many ways? Making amends to those I have hurt allows me to forgive much easier. The circumstance may not be the same, but if there is any similarity, then I view it differently. We call this part of the maintenance steps 10-12 in my 12-Step program.
Is Everything Forgivable?
Now don’t get me wrong, there are certain situations, such as sexual abuse or other horrendous crimes such as murder, that may not be forgivable – that is ok. The forgiveness is for you to release and to heal. Let’s not confuse forgiveness w/ reconciliation. I have forgiven the person but didn’t reconcile with them necessarily. We usually came to an understanding of some sort. I forgive, but I don’t forget.
What are the benefits of forgiving someone?
Here is a list of what forgiveness can do for Us:
- Overall Mental Health Improvement
- Decrease In Anxiety and Depression
- Improvement In Self-Esteem
- Stress Relief
- Less Anger and Hostility
- Positive Attitude
- Overall Physical Health Improvement
- Lower Blood Pressure
- Healthier Heart
- Immune System Strengthened
- Long-term Healthier Relationships
- Lasting Peace and Serenity
- Increased Happiness From Within
Forgiveness Leads To Peace and Serenity
The end goal is to be in harmony with others, as best we can, and have healthy relationships that lead to serenity and peace. My circle is small on purpose. I am selective about who I allow in. My husband and I have very little drama in our lives. The most drama we have are cat politics-LOL! We lead a simple life filled with peace and serenity. If there is a disagreement, we communicate with each other calmly, focusing on the solution rather than the problem.
Our motto is “do no harm but take no shit.” We are slow to anger and quick to forgive. We give the person the benefit of the doubt and show love and compassion instead. Life is much simpler if you’re not hurting others or yourself. Forgiving yourself is very important for further growth.
Self-love is not selfish. It’s part of the healing process for healthier relationships.
Think about it, if you can’t forgive yourself, then how do you expect to forgive anyone else?
I hope you found this blog meaningful and informational. As the holiday season approaches, check out my previous blog: Staying Sane During The Holidays.